abberation

GET UP
i'm trying i'm trying but the world knocks me down yes knocking right out the breath in me
GET UP
no i know i must go i know i must leave to find the better, make the better, be the better me
SO GO
i could, i should, i shall, and i will but the past from which i fell has broken me ill and the getting and the standing and the moving is so hard when everything i stood for began to fall apart and the weight of the world i felt i carried on my shoulders has left me in the cold and it's only getting colder
BUT WAIT
i won't let them get the best of me, no, now only the worst once undignified i realize just what my life is worth and i split the less from the meaning now meaningless no more and the meaning i will give it that comes from the core
OF WHAT
has arisen from the darkness under which i lay buried blind, suffocating my passions and choking my mind, and i was drowning in depression and flirting with despair, getting drunk off the idea of me going nowhere
BUT NOW
that i've awoken from a coma that lasted twenty-two years i'm caught dead in my tracks due to something i've feared, a letter given three times caused one strike to be sent home, struck me down and now the state of my future is unknown
OH PLEASE
dear God give me patience and understanding, the hurt i've incurred from this silence is so astounding and i bite my lip and choke on my words that forever go unsaid for if they were heard the hearts that bore me which i treasure the most will break into pieces and lose their hope and "the only thing they've ever done right" will suddenly be wronged and my life be a song tragically unsung
SO I WAIT
and i wait and i need strength to get through this cause without it i'm not so sure i can do it, just what i now know i'm put here to do, to learn and to serve and to be an instrument of You, and the world's starving hungry for a heart full of love well i suppose these times will show just what i'm made of whether words or promises or hopes so high that if given another chance i know i could fly
SO I WAIT
til those minds that don't know me decide the course of my learning and thus the course of my life but i pray with every ember of this body and soul that they hear what
I'M SCREAMING, i'm screaming out loud,
with every inch of my being this i know--
I'M BELIEVING, oh i'm believing,
I'M READY TO GO.

so give me that chance.